How Does It Feel To Be In Therapy?
Unlike any other relationship you will ever form and maintain in the real world - this will be a profoundly unique alliance
Tuesday 8th February 2022
When I first met you your feeling of hesitation and ambivalence was obvious to me. I could read it in your face, and the way you took my hand - a stranger's hand.
A part of you didn't want to be here, and wanted to turn around and walk right out.
But you continued to take a step towards me.
You walked behind me.
I stepped aside, and facing you I ushered you in my room. I closed the door behind us.
Instantly, I saw your relief. You felt the ambiance - it was calm and serene with dimmed lighting. You sat down on your chair, and let yourself be. You had entered your safe place.
I was keen to know what brought you here to speak to me...
I looked at you and I wondered... What has happened...
I wondered primarily if you will share any of it with me.
I know what the world sees. But I wanted to get to know the real you. I hoped you would let me.
You spoke to me with your walls up. I smiled at you to help bring your wall down - a smile speaks a thousand words.
I asked you if you were okay. I asked if you were okay to carry on...
You tried really hard not show me the tears.
You finally let me in...
...the tears come through. You tried hard not to let it show. I let you cry...it is a sign of human to cry - a sign of being alive. I said nothing. But you saw that I was here with you. You were not alone.
You said ‘Sorry’ and I reassured you... "You don’t need to say sorry – if you can’t cry here, where can you cry ?"
But you were cynical – '"this can’t be real – this is her job - she has to do this, she has to say this...", you thought.
Yes, I am trained in how I question. But I am not trained in how to be human. I just am. Just as you are.
Yet, who you are, what you have done, what you haven't done doesn't matter.
We agreed on your mission. I would not share our discussion with anyone, but you could, should that be your decision.
We agreed to meet again, same time, same place - we smiled as you left the room. You thanked me for my time and left. I sat and thought about all that you shared...
I made it my purpose to play a small part in your big journey - your journey of life...
There was never any judgement. There was no motive. I was, and I am impartial.
You find it hard to believe – and many around you (if you tell them), will feel the same...they will even tell you as much. You will be asked by your loved ones; "Why do you have to speak to a therapist?’ Why don’t you just talk to me?" You can’t really answer that question. Because it makes no logical sense to you either.
Humans don't connect logically. We connect emotionally.
How is this possible, that a stranger you just met hears you so well?
The answer is simple.
I am the person who will never judge you. I will never expect anything from you. I will take you as you come, if you choose to come. I will accept you as you leave - whenever you are ready to leave. If you ever come back - You will always be welcome, and we will pickup from wherever you left, whenever you want...as though you never left.
I am not your friend - I can never be your friend.
I am not your family - I can never be your family.
I am not your companion - I can never be your companion.
Because I am 'Your Therapist...'
I don't exist in your real world.
If in the unlikely event our paths ever crossed I will not greet you, I will merely acknowledge you with a passing gaze, for these are the confines of our unique alliance. We both know we were an amazing team - and although you are not my friend I will always be on your side.
All I want in return is this; you are living the life you always deserved to live.
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